0566-to stop blaming ourselves

Am I to be Blamed for My Cancer? There is a widely held assumption that those with cancer are, in some mysterious way, to be blamed for their disease. Even though the books and CDs that I read did not say that I created my cancer, the exclusive emphasis on self help and positive helping often implied it. Was it because of too much stress in my life? Did I worry too much? Did I drink too much coffee? Did I eat too much meat? Was it because my profession stifled my creativity? Almost every cancer patient feels some degree of guilt about their illness. 很多人莫名其妙的認為 癌症 是自找的。 我讀了也聽了很多關於癌症的書與CD 雖然沒有人直接說癌症是自己創造出來的 但是一味的強調正面思考與自我勵志 就是在暗示癌症是自找的 是不是因為生活壓力太大? 太焦慮? 喝太多咖啡? 吃太多肉? 是不是因為從事的專業壓抑了自己的創意? 幾乎每一位罹癌者對自己的病都有某種程度的罪惡感 In some people's minds the logic is black and white: if positive thinking can cure your problems negative thinking must have created them. Rather than giving relief, such illusions of control can also make us angry, guilty and anxious if we cannot do it 'right' Sometimes telling people with cancer that they need to think positive can make them feel guilty if what they feel is different-- such as fear, anger,  grief, or other 'negative emotions' and this can make things worse for them because these emotions have to be expressed too, and repressing them is not going to help at all 對某些人來說 這個邏輯是非黑即白的 如果正面思考可以解決問題 那問題就是負面思考造成的 這種想法不會安撫人心 反而會讓無法正面思考的人更生氣 內疚 或焦慮 有的時候強迫罹癌者去正面思考 反而會讓他們壓抑負面情緒 譬如說 恐懼 憤怒 或哀傷 這會產生負面效果 因為這些情緒也需要出口 When horrific events occur we tend to attribute them to a logical, cause-effect relationship rather than acknowledge that some things are still beyond our human knowledge and the control of our technology As attempts to to explain uncontrollable events, blame and self-blame are particularly damaging to one's ability to cope with cancer 壞事發生時 我們情願相信事出必有因 也不願意承認有些事是人類智慧無法了解的 也是人類技術無法解決的 但是透過怪別人或怪自己 來解釋這些超過自己控制的事情 對於面對癌症來說 是阻力 不是助力 Nevertheless, many cancer survivors prefer to think they have created their own cancer rather than open themselves to the frightening possibility that their cancer is a random, meaningless event. As we struggle with cancer and mortality we are coming to grips with the fact that certain key assumptions we have made about the world are myths-- the myths of control, invulnerability and immortality. 儘管如此 還是有很多罹癌者情願相信自己的癌是自找的 也不願意面對嚇人的真像 那就是癌症是隨機的 沒有意義的 就像是抽到下下籤 人生在世都要面對疾病與死亡 也要接受事實 我們對世間事很多的設想都是迷思 其實我們能夠控制的事很有限 其實我們很脆弱 而且沒有人能夠不朽 Nevertheless, Surviving cancer is a challenge. The least that we can do is to stop blaming ourselves. 面對癌症需要勇氣與力氣 最起碼 不要再怪自己了。 文字引用  :  http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/michelle-corner/article?mid=21678   Quizas Quizas Quizas-Ibrahim Ferrer & Omara Portuondo